Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Return of the Zucchini Sex Goddess

Zucchini Girl and Baby
Here in the Bay Area, the summer fog is often still hanging around until late morning.  So the bees roll over, have an extra cup of coffee and dig into the Sunday NYTimes Magazine section to have one last stab at the crossword puzzle.

Which leaves the zucchini (and pumpkins, and gourds, and melons, and etc., for that matter) with no one to tickle their fancy. So no zucchini squash, or only weensy ones that rot at the bottom and die. Because by the time the bees are up and dressed, the flowers have already gone home in a huff. (Beware - there is also a disease called "Bottom Rot" but we are not even going there.)

Enter the Zucchini Sex Goddess!  Yup, you guessed who. Over the years, I've been called by a number of different names, and I still receive mail addressed to the "Goddess of Light," so I think I can handle this honor, too.

Zucchini Boy
With her trusty Q-tip (oops, a registered trademark of Unilever)... OK, with her trusty cotton swab, the ZSG gently collects the pollen from Zucchini Boy and carefully "swabs" the pollen onto Zucchini Girl. That makes Zucchini Baby, who is sitting right behind the female flower (averting it's eyes all the time, like Faye Dunaway in Little Big Man), now able to grow up to become part of the grilled vegetable platter. What could be easier?

What could be easier?!?  Well, for starters, the bees could just get up off their backsides and go to work on time, and... In the meanwhile, hang onto your cotton swabs, check your zucchini plant(s) - yes, I have a second, and sometimes a third plant, not because I'm that fond of zucchini, but because you never know when you just may need an extra male dance partner - and respond with pride and dignity when your neighbor asks "What exactly are you doing with that Q-tip?"


  1. This is hilarious, Jill. And your pictures are downright sexy. You deserve your title!

  2. Thank you. Michael thinks that I should be wearing a little cape with a green "Z" on it, but I really don't like to call that much attention to myself.